The Love Language
A few years back, Mr Gary Chapman came out with a book, The 5 Love Languages, and it took us by storm. It is crazy how we need someone to explain to us the kind of love we are seeking for. For those who have yet to read the book, grab it, catch it and indulge in it. For now, read on for a summary:
- Words of affirmation
For some people hearing “I love you”, words of praise or compliments are what they value most. These individuals feel that words have more weight than actions and would rather hear “the reasons behind that love” versus any other expression of love. This also means that if something negative or insulting is said to one of these individuals it will not be easily forgiven.
Words of affirmation are one of the five basic love languages. Within that language, however, there are many dialects. All of the dialects have in common the use of words to affirm one’s spouse.
- Quality time
For some people spending time with loved ones is their preferred love language. Whether it is a quiet lunch or an afternoon walk, spending quality time and being the focus of their undivided attention leaves them feeling satisfied and comforted more than words. “Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful” to these individuals, since “being there” is crucial.
Time is a precious commodity. We all have multiple demands on our time, yet each of us has the exact same hours in a day. We can make the most of those hours by committing some of them to our spouse. If your mate’s primary love language is quality time, she simply wants you, being with her, spending time.
- Receiving gifts
Not all people who enjoy receiving gifts are “materialistic” this just means that for these individuals love is equated with a tangible gift. The gift doesn’t have to be extravagant or elaborate, but it does have to be meaningful and thoughtful.
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone, in order to give, him or her, the gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn’t matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of him or her. And it is not the thought implanted only in the mind that counts but the thought expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love.
- Acts of service
Hearing the phrase “let me do that for you” is music to our ears, but for people who see acts of service as the greatest expression of love, hearing this phrase is like hitting the goldmine! These individuals want their partners to notice that their own responsibilities are grand and sometimes daunting and that a helping-hand every once-an-a-while shows love and care.
Consider actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, changing the baby’s diaper, picking up a prescription, keeping the car in operating condition — they are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. If your spouse’s love language is acts of service, then “actions speak louder than words.”
- Physical touch
The language of physical touch doesn’t only refer to physical touch and affection in the bedroom, but refers to the everyday physical connections, like handholding, kissing, pats on the back, and any type of re-affirming physical contact. A person who desires physical touch and affection isn’t overly touchy-feely but for them, touch shows how much their partner cares for them.
To find out which language you belong to, take a free test here to find out more.